I have not been able to write for some time. It was not because I had nothing to write about. Actually, I probably had about ten topics bouncing around in my head that I wanted to be fleshed out on this blog. But every time I tried to write it was like my brain went dead; just shut off on me. I was getting pretty frustrated because I knew I had stuff to say but for some reason the words could not leave my thoughts. I wanted to write about how I felt God was calling me for something big but unknown. I wanted to write about Muslims, Christians, and Jesus. It’s a book by Carl Medearis, a good friend of my Dad and a truly earnest follower of Jesus. I wanted to write about BoneMan’s Daughters, Ted Dekker’s latest book. I wanted to write about taking pictures (a newfound hobby of mine), creating things, the end of the school year and many other things. But I just could not get the words out.
Today, I was looking through the different blogs I read regularly and I found an article entitled Turning the Pages to a New Chapter by Luke Parrot. In the article is a really cool speech he wrote. And in his speech he asks a question that that kind of hit me upside the soul.
What breaks your heart?
“The things that break your heart are the very things that feed your passions. What are the things that keep you up at night? What are the things that disturb you the most? What do you get most passionate about? What makes you pound the table? What puts you on the edge of your seat?” – Luke
So I’ve been thinking about it. What breaks my heart?
When I went to Rwanda and saw so many orphans who would more than likely never know what it feels like to be loved by a father and a mother. That broke my heart.
Knowing that there are about 150 million orphans in the world I live in. That breaks my heart.
Knowing that something around 25 thousand kids die everyday because of dumb stuff like not having clean drinking water or enough food or clothing or shoes to protect their bodies. That breaks my heart.
I cannot even begin to understand suffering. Oh my gosh!!! I cannot stand being comfortable. It does not bring me joy or intimacy or faith. It provides an escape from the harsh reality that cultivates real, gritty good. Living in comfort breaks my heart.
When kids are treated like dirt because they are poor. That breaks my heart.
When kids are brainwashed and made to kill. That breaks my heart.
When kids are torn away from their innocence and sold into prostitution. That breaks my heart.
When the church is focused on pushing a piece of legislature that will further their agenda rather than focusing on loving the people they are trying to fight. When teenagers are looked at as nothing more than a nuisance. When family members bicker and fight over stupid stuff. When I do not understand how much God loves me. At the end of movies when they pop the big question and it is “Do you want to move in together?” instead of “Will you marry me?”. When I drive onto the freeway exit and the homeless guy is standing there and I want to talk to him but I cannot because I am too busy and scared. These things break my heart.
“Allow Him to break your heart for the things that break His heart. And in that brokenness you will find your way. You will find your path.” – Luke
I hope the things that break my heart are not just “me” things but that they have been put there by God. I think the ultimate thing in life is being a part of what God is doing and I think He has given me the passions that I have so that I can be a part of something that He is doing or is going to do. I just don’t know what it is yet. Maybe it is happening right now!